Hold That Thought, Where Exactly Is W. Kamau Bell When You Need Him, or GOAPS Has It All

Today I made an excursion to GOAPS (“Grooviest Of All Possible Stores”). Everything went smoothly, and I got out of there quickly, with no annoyance at anything whatsoever.  It was sheer bliss, and I am now a better person.  I might even be groovy.

Of course, I had help.  I was trying to decide whether the organic almond butter was really worth it (“How thick is the almond shell?” I wondered, forgetting that RadioLab program on “Choices” I had listened to yesterday, not to mention the shorthand I’d learned years ago from my friend Bob:  “Analysis, paralysis”). While I was considering the alternatives so I would make the perfect choice, a crisply dressed, slender man maybe ten years my senior (I am, like Jack Benny, “39-and-holding”) pushed my cart away.

This proved not to be a red herring (which GOAPS wouldn't have any truck with, anyway), as he went on to tell me why television is horrible (I told him I didn’t watch much), and also that the Federal Reserve is evil and the Kennedys had been trying to do something about it and that’s why—never mind.  

I said that I was sorry to hear that.  He then wanted me to forget the almond butter and 
buy hazelnut.

“Okay,” he said. “Ignore the studies.”

“My only problem is that you keep telling me what to think,” I said. (By “think,” I meant, 
“think about politics.”  I don't have a whole lot of opinions about nut butter.  I'm in favor of
all of them.)

“I'm all ears,” he said.

Since nothing we said was likely to help the Kennedy brothers, rest in peace, or have much of an impact on the Federal Reserve, I said I’d pass.  

He was not pleased.  He was soon counseling someone else about the best choices for her. 

W. Kamau Bell told  a rather eager audience member at a recent New Parish show, “I'm going to put you on ‘Pause.’”   

Perfect! Except that I just remembered it now.  So I just said, “I think we can agree on TV” (and instantly made a decision to watch more of it).  

After he had moved on I decided to go with the regular almond butter, which the GOAPS representative had told me was their best seller, assuring me that GOAPS wouldn’t ever carry anything sprayed into oblivion or otherwise icky. 

At least, I think that’s what he said.  So far, so good: it tastes fine, and I haven’t grown another arm—though some days that might come in handy.

©2013, 2014, 2015 Laynie Tzena.